{:ru}???? ??, ??? ??????? ??, ?? ?!

??, ?? ????? ?, ??? ?????? ?????? “???????????? ???????”, ??, ?????… ???????????? ???????????, ??????????…

?????????? ??? ?? ??????, ? ?????????? ????? – ? ? ????, ??? ??????, ??? ????????…

?? ????, ?????? ??? ???????????? ???????? ???????? ?????????? ?????????? ????? ????? ?????????? ???…  ??…??? … ????… ???? ??? ???? ????… ????, ? ??? ???? ????,  ????. ? ???? ????. ?????. ? ???? ?????, ????, ????…? ???? ???????? ???? I am. who? Who am I? Who ???? ?? ??? ???? ??? ????… ??, fuck you!

????? ??????, ????? ??????…

??, ? ??????{:}

Answers come always

July 22, 2015

About synchronicity and how the answers come to me.

I actually have known for a very long time that answers come to me in unexpected ways – I only need to become aware of the question. It is fun to register the funny ways in which they come.

barbersMonday we were driving to the swimming pool and past a barber shop. I said, why is the sign of the barbers that red and white swerling thing? It seems more like a policeman thing to me. The girls said, no, it is barbers’ traditional thing, but why we didn’t know.

Today, Wednesday, I am listening to Kryon, which is not the one I usually listen to because I don’t like his preaching theatrical style. And I am skipping through the video like crazy, stopping if these is anything making any sense to me at all. So, I stop and listen for a minute, and he says something about ailing people 2oo years ago going to the barbers shop to be healed, where they would be bled. “By the way, this is why the barbers’ sign is a red and white pole”! Thanks for letting me know, Kryon! 🙂

 

Robert Bruce Williams

May 9, 2015

Portrait painters: Robert Bruce Williams
Source: World of Portrait Painting

Robert Bruce Williams

Robert Bruce Williams

This morning Tim and I had a dog walk together.

I relayed to him my bed-time booster conversation with Alina the night before:
“When people think about Alina, the word which springs to mind is Power. Power. Power of brain, muscle power, power of imagination, memory… You are powerful, Alina.”

I do this remedial conversations with Alina because I feel that she is a very sensitive child who, inspite of her huge and multiple powers, tends to downplay herself. Not in a small degree because she is so ahead of the game amongst her peers in many areas. It is uncomfortable to be noticeably different. She is very tall too!

Generally, Life encourages diversity within unity. Unity is the safety, diversity is the progress. But diversity has to prove its resilience in order to survive and contribute to Life. If it doesn’t have enough stubborn gut power to overcome the pressure of the mass which wants every unit to support the unity, then it becomes a thwarted cripple which was born to be different but didn’t make it.

And so, I encourage Alina to embrace her uniqueness, to be proud of it. To stand tall and to reach high never mind what the others think, say or do. It is a balancing game – observe, encourage, listen, counter the “masses” opinions…

Yesterday, to my cooing over her powers she half-jokingly said: I am spekal (mispronounced “special” echoing a character in the play we watched recently “The Play Which Goes Wrong” – brilliant!). I am spekal, – she said, – I am “gifted and talented” (the label the educational system gives to the top 10% of the pupils).

Tim and I laughed about this response of hers, and he expressed a concern that there is a danger of her attitude going too far the other way, towards arrogance. He in turn told me about a conversation between Alina and the mum of her best friend. Chloe, the mum, said that Daisy was being called a “teachers’ pet” at school. To which Alina proposed: “She should turn around and say: “Well, sorry for being that much cleverer than you lot!”

We laughed. “Great, – said I, – one mustn’t feel apologetic for one’s prowess!”

I pondered about it later. Perhaps Tim indeed thinks that getting big-headed is a real danger for Alina. I don’t. And even if she did, I’d rather have her do that than belittling herself in order to fit in with the majority.

In the situations like Daisy’s, which is SO normal, those children who call the others “teachers’ pets” are the aggressors. For their own security, they want to bully anyone who is MORE than themselves into mediocrity. So, those who ARE MORE must never succumb. Succumbing is denying oneself one’s nature. It is self-sabotage, it is moral suicide. And on the long run and bigger scale giving in doesn’t do any good to those bullies either.

If you are a star, don’t let anyone bully you into becoming an asteroid.

Portrait art by Marina Kim

Portrait of Alina or “No Climbing”

Thick Paint

May 2, 2015

And sometimes I simply want to throw paint thickly onto a surface and see how it looks. Why not?

Still Life with Onions. Oil on canvas. Marina Kim

Onions

And play with the colours.

Still Life with Dandelions in a Puter Jug

Dandelions in a Puter Jug

And with the shadows and the light.

Still life with Daffodils by artist Marina Kim

Daffodils

And not to think.

Still life with Tulips in a Jar by artist Marina Kim

Tulips in a Jar

And not to care about the objects of my attention but use them as an excuse to throw paint onto a surface.

Still life "Posy in a Tea Pot" by artist Marina Kim

Posy in a Tea Pot

And not to explain anything to anyone… At all. Like words never even existed.

Me and My Girls

April 30, 2015

This February half-term we didn’t go anywhere, and while my girls were home and the light was good, I bribed them to sit for the portraits.

After all, last time I painted them was at least a couple of years ago, and I never painted them from life, always from photos. Now that they are old enough and well-trained by various educational institutions, no reason why they couldn’t sit still each for 10 or so hours…

Well, it took some modeling fees and also, during the sittings, they were watching films. Only sometimes in the last session each was required to look at me to paint their eyes. Still, they took the whole experience as yet another chore which their wicked mother imposed on them and that shows clearly in the portraits!

Portrait of Eva Roche age 13

Eva

Portrait of Eva Roche, age 13
Oil on canvas
70×50 cm

Marina Kim. Portraiture

Alina

Portrait of Alina Roche, age 11
Oil on canvas
70×50 cm

Me and my girls!

Marina Kim portrait artist

Me and My Girls

My New Story

December 11, 2014

Drypoint original print by Marina Kim. "Artist by the Sea"

“Artist by the Sea”

My new story is simple. It is just being and nothing other. I am. I exist and can never seize to exist. Everything else is just an experience.

No good, no bad, no sins, no mistakes. I dispose of guilt too. I understand the meaninglessness of punishment. It is just a pure experience and I am floating in the breath of Consciousness, a vortex of crystallized vapor…

There is no judgement in my existence because I choose not to have it. I do not create judgement and therefore it doesn’t exist. I am back. I am back. I am back. I created this journey away from home and back to home for the experience. And I accept and allow the journeys my daughters create and everyone else. This is the game we play. It is a good game.

And so. Now. I am complete. I always have been, but I created an illusion that I was not. For the game. For the fun. For the relief.

Starting Again Again

October 28, 2014

Etching by Marina Kim

“Tightrope”

When one starts something new, everything resists. Material resists, environment resists, one’s own mind resists… Why? I don’t know but this is so.

And so, one has to push through resistance to get to the enjoyable sailing. Like with learning anything, for example a new language, at the beginning all is slow and annoying and incomprehensible before one begins to understand the logic and words get pulled along on a string of it, one word after another.

I find myself starting things all the time. I start and abandon and start again and then start again AGAIN. There is a reason to that and soon all shall be revealed. And for now, I am starting again yet again…

For a few days now, I am pondering a poem “Living” by Denise Levertov. This is a commission. And it is making me to re-think, re-concider, re-choose and re-start. So, I created the appearance of this commission to weave seamlessly into my art-life flow. Fine then.

And so far, it is too verbose. I feel I have to go very empty to convey the meaning of the poem, but on my sheet of paper there soooo much stufffff! I want to chop it up and burn it…

Living

 

The fire in leaf and grass
so green it seems
each summer the last summer.

The wind blowing, the leaves
shivering in the sun,
each day the last day.

A red salamander
so cold and so
easy to catch, dreamily

moves his delicate feet
and long tail. I hold
my hand open for him to go.

Each minute the last minute.

 

I don’t agree with some of his conclusions, like the one below, for instance. But this one I do agree with.

14 Excellent Parenting Tips From Louis CK

It’s hard having kids because it’s boring.

On teaching:  Now, implementing it all of the time is a bit tricky… Right there, I think, he is talking to himself. I’d be talking to myself in this same situation. I am talking to myself all of the time anyway, and that is exactly what I usually say. To myself.

14 Excellent Parenting Tips From Louis CK.

Louis CK on Boredom.

14 Excellent Parenting Tips From Louis CK.

Vibrational Capital Dream

February 1, 2014

Last night I had another of my fable-dreams.

dream interpretation

“It’s that same dream, where I’m drowning in a bowl of noodles.”

I am receiving a payment for a portrait commission, and I seem to be remembering that it was Will I Am who commissioned me (Wow!!! Wouldn’t it be cool!!!). The payment is in cash, £18000. I feel really pleased and excited to have all this money, which is wrapped loosely in three newsprint bundles.

I have one or two (can’t remember, or perhaps the number varied from moment to moment) male partners with me. I share my joy and excitement with them and there is a slight feeling of wanting to see them joyous with me/for me and pleased with me/for me. I guess this is something I am internally working with at this time – wanting to please others.

The money seem to go to the group pot, meaning – we share it.

Then, we are in a street, standing by a car, ready to leave. Another car approaches and a man comes out. He and my partner(s) get embroiled in an argument. There is an understanding that this is an ongoing affair – it started sometime ago and not likely to end soon. They shout at each other and it is looking to get really violent. I am rushing to my partner to talk him out of this conflict, pulling at his sleeve, but he is ignoring me. I feel a bit scared, but more than that, I feel anxious that I will loose my money which at this moment got tossed aside and lying on the side of the road by some bushes.

I realise that my attempts to stop the fight are futile and I’d be better off to take care of money and leave them to it.

At this point in my dream, I am half-dreaming, at the same time conscious. I don’t want to leave the dream in this unresolved state, so I make a decision to stir it towards a positive conclusion. In my dream, I get the money bundles (making sure not to attract too much attention of the quarrelling people) and get into the car. Lock the doors. I sitting in the car and thinking, perhaps it would be even better to run away from this place all together…

Here the dream ends, somewhere between me sitting inside a locked car and me dashing out and away to where there are buildings and people. In any case, I feel my intention/decision: I’ve got the money. I am relatively safe.

I relayed my dream to Tim. He wasn’t sure what was the meaning of it I was so excited about. So, I had to explain the symbolism of it the way I saw it at that time:

Lately I am getting somewhere positive with my work on directing my vibrational/emotional state. Those who are familiar with the teachings of Abraham Hicks and Bashar or The Secret will understand what I am talking about. I guess, the majority of the students of these teachings at some point feel really frustrated by feeling “being stuck”, not getting much beyond theory of it all. But then it comes. Gradually, slowly  it gets better, and that’s where I feel I am now – first steps out of the fog.

I see the money I got for the commission as a symbol of my emotional/vibrational capital. I worked hard for it, I earned it. This is my security, my reward, my stability. My gold I pined for. I am in partnership with some other persons and I accept that we share my wages, or in other words, we share our emotional/vibrational wealth. But then the conflict happens, and they are focused on it and hence, are about to loose our (at that stage it is “our”) money.

There are two options for me here – to get dragged into this stale and stupid affair for the sake of some perceived ties ( read: partnership, friendship, love, loyalty), or cut all of that out, claim the money, i.e. my vibrational capital, for myself and retreat to a place of safety.

In my border-state of awakenness I am sort of aware of the symbolism of the dream and I decide to give it a happy ending. Of course, a happy ending is a matter of perspective too. From a point of view of a certain set of values, a happy ending would be to forget the money, get into the fight, save the mate and walk into the sunset drugging the bloodied bloke on one’s shoulder. Love triumphs. So, it is interesting, but not eye-opening, to see what I myself see as a happy ending.

The way the dream ends I see as another dilemma which I am still undecided about – whether to sit it out in a car, although basically stick with the guys, or to make a runner altogether. Now, post-factum, I’d rather leg it.

Points I like about this dream:

  • I have a vibrational capital!
  • I made a decision to be free from self-imposed bonds!
  • I once again experienced linking dream-state and awake-state!