“A cowboy is asked:

– Why did you decide to jump into that thornbush?

– I thought it was gonna be OK!..”

That’s me.

My 4-year-old daughter seams to be following in my footsteps. The other day she jumped on me unexpectedly, as they do, and nearly broke my neck. I asked her nicely not to do that any more ever again!She curled under the blanket, and with a suppressed giggle in her voice said: “I will…” I know exactly the feeling – after all, what I said about my nearly broken neck is only what I said. And a broken neck is a very abstract thing for someone who is 4 years old. And how would you know what happens if you do something, until you do it?

I have a suspition, that I am going to allow myself to make mistakes again. No, I shouldn’t be so negative. I am going to allow myself to experiment, acceptint the fact, that the results of some of those experiments are going to be pear-shaped. Which is fine.

This attitude…

I started to type “This brave attitude…” but then thought better of it. Whether brave or stupid is for the history to judge.

This attitude settled upon me since that dream I had a week or so ago. The action is taking place on some sort of public trial. The two men under the trial seam to be the comrades of some notorious dictator-tyrant, and are accused of subjecting thousands of people to undergo the torture and imprisonement, through the acts of “noodling” (that was the word) and personal cruelty. The two men were then being executed in a very brutal way. The first one to go had his wrists and feet cut of, after which he had to move on his elbows along the gymnastic parallel bars. He took it with a stoic, determined expression on his face. The other one watched with horror and empathy his comrade’s torture. But his expression changed, when he sow what strong spirit the first man showed, and he himself stoically faced his destiny. The end. I woke up and started thinking what it was all about, and I think it goes like this:

Finally I am willing to face horror, pain, violence etc. I am prepared to watch the knees of the movi-heroes being drilled, read the nasty bits in Louis de Bernier’s books, and accept the fact, that I am most likely going to grow old with all the pleasanties of it, before I get a chance to dye with dignity. Alas! and Amin!