Uneasy feelings and what to do with them
April 17, 2011
I had this uneasy feeling again and decided to do something constructive about it.
Step one: Identify what caused that feeling.
To help with that, think back to the time when it first appeared. Then, think what exactly caused it – someone’s remark, or action, or some event. Then, think what it made you feel like, or what negative thought that thing evoked in you.
Step two: Breath deliberately.
Concentrate on getting your body, especially brain, oxygenated (but not hyperventilated!)
Step three: Take action.
Whatever that event or thought was, take action to minimise the impact of it. If it’s an event with possible negative consequences, think how you can reduce the harm and take steps to do it. If it is a thought which caused you grief, analyse what makes it negative and think how you can turn it into a positive thought.
Step four: Let go.
Now, decide whether the action you took is all you can do at the moment. If the answer is positive, let go of the whole thing and go do something else. If the answer is negative, repeat steps 1-4.
Q: How do I know if what I did is enough?
A: You’ll know because the uneasy feeling is gone.
It worked!
Just thought that sometimes people live with those uneasy feelings lingering for years!..
Meaning of a dream revealed
April 14, 2011
All of a sudden a meaning of a dream I had a while ago dawned on me.
In a dream, I am being one of the two high-ranking officers, who are being publicly executed for the atrocities of the war. The mob is angry. We are guilty.
My companion is higher in rank than me and he is viewed as the main villain. He is the first to be executed. The method is rather morbid. One’s arms and legs chopped off at the knees and elbows, after which one has to move along the parallel bars (like in gymnastics) on the stumps of his arms.
I am witnessing my comrade as he is about to be executed. His face shows no fear, no resentment, no repentance, just pure anger and defiance. I admire his courage, as he, with his limbs severed, moves swiftly along the parallel bars. The expression of his face is very strong. I admire his strength, and gather my own strength now, as I am to go through the same ordeal. His example gives me encouragement that I also can do that, although I feel much weaker…
And so, suddenly I see what that dream means. It reflects to me, that I view myself as the one not belonging to the masses, yet not the leader. I am hesitant to act, fearing pain and danger, and need to see that someone has done that same thing before me. I need a reassurance that I can do it, whatever that is.
It’s funny how some dreams stay in your consciousness for a while and reveal their meaning to you layer by layer.
One of the most powerful inspiring TED talks
April 12, 2011
Dreams and symbolism.
April 6, 2011
I had a curious dream
I was on a quest. I had to find a secret/treasure/scroll. Some sort of token/object and it was important.
It was a bit like a coputer game because on my way there, at places, I felt like I was gliding through the air. The way you do when you play a computer game. On my quest, I went through varied terraine. A voice, or a thought was guiding me. Like this:
- You will have to go through a forest, -
And I’d be gliding through some woody area
- You’ll come out of the forest and see an open field, -
And I’d be in the open
- You’ll need to cross the river… etc
The trip part (and the rest, actually) was happening very quickly. And there I was, in the pergola alley covered with vine and The Secret was placed in a sort of altar at the end of it. I flue to it. It was here within my reach, somewhere at the eye level or a little higher. At the same time, a person appeared a few paces behind me on the path. He was a very-very old man with long white beard and white clothes, rather bend over. He said, or expressed in some way, that he was the keeper of The Secret, and he was waiting for a long time for someone to come and get it. He was long due to die, but couldn’t because of The Secret. And now, that I am here, he can finally die. And the objetct/secret thing floated down into my hand. And he died.
And I became the keeper of the secret. A feeling of burden poped into my mind. Having to grow old, like that
old man, being attached to that object, iprisonned really, all alone. Then it faded. I became two little children, (or perhaps I got two little children as well as me, because the perseption of me as such became faded or more of an observer, not the action man. By the way, I am almost always more of a male than a female in my dreams), THEY were the keepers now. They play, and they compete, and argue, and play, and compete, possibly over the ownership of The secret. And that’s the end of the dream.
The emotional state of the dream at the end of it is of lively peace and dynamic serenity… As if life is good -challenging enough, comfortable enough, moving on in the right direction.
Compassionate leadership TED talk. Google Rocks!
April 6, 2011
Wonderful TED talk on leadership. New type of leadership on the example of Google company. This is a great brief and concise instruction manual on how to bring up new type of leaders or become one with least effort and most effectively! Very inspiring.
Who am I?
March 16, 2011
When we strip you down to the most basic elements of what you’re all about, what do we have?
I never really strayed too far from my basic elements, so it should be easy for me to go back.
I am just me – a child playing in the dust. Which is mud, which is clay. Quiet and self-contained. Going out on adventures every now and then. Free. Unpretentious.
I just realised something.
I was thinking: What were my needs? Very little. None almost. What are my wants? None (although I can get some if necessary). So, is that why I am free? Why I feel so free?
And then I remembered the sensation of not understanding what the life is all about and why there is this atmosphere of anxiety. Especially in the Western world. I know now why. People in what we call the West more than people in other places convinced themselves, that they have needs – lots of them.
And then I remembered what I read yesterday on Steven Fry’s website: “Eat shit, a hundred billion flies can’t be wrong”
Which is not to say, that it is bad to have wants! On the contrary, it is great! It’s fun! Wants are the engine of the progress. But wants are not needs. One can drop them any time. You need nothing. So, be free 
Interviewing myself
March 16, 2011
During the development of “BrandYou” you need to ask yourself some basic questions.” More where this came from.
What are your values?
I value that thing which they call the source which is the divine thing inside a human being. You see how I am playing a clown here, dodging those stupid, naff, un-cool, abused, yucky terms like god, divine, spirit, soul etc… But I still value That Thing the most.
It’s the wounded but still alive cynic of mine is wriggling about somewhere there. Deep.
What do you love?
I love progress. In all it’s manifestations.
What do you hate?
Stagnation.
What are you insanely great at doing?
What I always felt insecure about is my sticking to the realistic representation of the people and objects in my visual art. The problem with that is, as common criticism these days goes, there is not much creativity involved in doing that. It’s just a copy of the nature. And NOW I see it for what it is. (I am thinking along as I write here). I see things realistically. That is my way of seeing things – as they are. If I were a writer, I’d write realism rather than sci-fi, if I were a painter, I’d paint realistic photographic portraits rather than abstract cubes or splodges… You see, I wrote “if I were a painter”… Funny that, because I kind of am a painter. Just now, just moments ago I made a transition from a visual artist to … what? Who am I? I finished Me The Painter now, and who am I then? I am a helper. Am I a healer? That doesn’t sound quite right. Am I a facilitator, an inspirator? Something along those lines. I am kind of a little ahead on the path and I am calling the others to follow, I trod a path, I am a path-treader. Fun!
There are millions of paths, there are millions of path-treaders. I just tread and show one of the millions of possible paths, and most likely this path will be suitable only for me, but it might help someone to see HOW I trod it. It is about applying the method of finding one’s path rather than the path itself.
Or, yeah. I remember now. There is a term for it which I came across a lot recently. A way-shower. So that’s what I am . That, I must admit, spoiled much fun for me – first, I wasn’t the first; secondly, that term comes from those creepy alien, new-agey, spirit-channelling people… Hmm.
But I strayed away from the question.
Ah! The answer came to me just now! (I have definitely tuned myself into something good!)
I am insanely good at analysing myself and applying it to a human behaviour in general, listening, comparing, analysing again, learning. And I can see now where all of that is leading me. I am a helper. A way-shower.
I am having a special moment here… Sorry. Back soon.
What are you most proud of?
I am most proud of my family. I created it! With Tim, of course, and the girls, of course, and my mum of course, and many other people involved to a various degree (It sounds like an Oscar nomination acknowledgements…), but still, it’s me at the core of it! From my point of view. I am extremely proud of being able to support a fine healthy balance in my life and therefore the life of my family.
What do you want to be?
I want to be an inspiration. I want to be of help. But not in a charitable way. Giving as such doesn’t inspire me, not as much as helping someone to find their own way.
What is important and valuable to you?
Freedom. Independence. Interdependence.
What do you want to be known for?
I want to be know as a … words “white clown” come to my mind. Have no idea why. I guess the answer will come to me in a few years time, which is usually the case.
“Basic, fundamental questions, yes. And yet, sometimes these are the most difficult to answer. But they must be answered and must be true.” Garr Rreynolds
Mezzotint video. Artist Toru Iwaya
March 10, 2011
Found this video of a Japanese mezzotint artist. Curious, how a technique developed by a Eropean became so Eastern. It is slow, meditative, withdrawn, laborious, solitary. And that’s why I love it.
Все о том же, но как свежо!
January 8, 2010
Новое, это хорошо забытое старое.
Простыми средствами можно добиться замечательной выразительности.
Краткость – сестра таланта. (Кротость таланту смерть.)
Ну, а теперь!… Прошу любить и жаловать TotemX - Master of Nothing; bullshitter of the highest caliber!
Или вот это. Название, как говорится, само за себя.
